Could Scientology Hold the Key to Crypto Victory?

L. Ron Hubbard was an absolute GENIUS!

Now before you dismiss me and immediately close the article, I think you should consider a few things about the man and the legacy he left behind for the world of crypto.

All the way back in 1948, Mr. Hubbard was at an Eastern Science Fiction Association meeting and was quoted as saying, “If you want to get rich, you start a religion.”

The rest as they say, is history.

It took them a few decades, but Scientology was ultimately declared a religion by the IRS, more on that in a moment, and of course that comes with the coveted tax exempt status and they’re now one of the wealthiest organization’s in the world. In his blog “The Scientology Money Project,” Jeffrey Augustine has estimated that the church has a book value of close to $2 billion, yes billion with a B, but they have about $1.5 billion invested in real estate.

Sure, much of that property is empty and used for nothing other than appearance and gathering dust, but they have to do something with an estimated annual revenue of $200 million, or else they could lose that tax-exempt status that they worked oh-so hard for.

So, I’m left wondering if good ole L. Ron may have left us the Rosetta Stone.

If a third-rate science fiction writer can do it, why can’t we?

Let’s start our own Bitcoin religion!

No regulation (you wouldn’t believe half the shit Scientology gets away with just because they get to claim “religious freedom”) and of course above all else…

NO TAXES! EVER!

Satoshi Nakamoto can be our Prophet or even the Messiah, we’ll use his white paper as our bonafide scripture (the Cryptonomicon?), the platform developers can be Disciples, and we can nominate our own Saints.

We’ll even have our own 10 commandments, starting with “Thou shalt HODL” and “Thou shalt not steal” and of course “Thou shalt not have other Cryptos but me.”

As far as a Satan, or Xenu since we’re talking about Scientology, we may have to have a trinity that includes Chuck Schumer, Joe Manchin, and Alex Jones.

Now, it might take a little work on our part. Scientology went on a years’ long campaign of harassment against individual IRS agents and were even caught breaking into the offices and stealing documents before the government just gave in. That’s right, even though they had been denied religion status multiple times, even in the court system, the IRS was blackmailed into proclaiming Scientology to be an actual religion.

Just think of what we could do in this day and age… we could easily overload them within minutes. It should take us considerably less time to, uh, “win” them over.

Then, once we have it… BOOM!

Regulation smegulation Bitches!

Another fantastic benefit would be the use of blockchain to prevent some of the lesser “traits” of Scientology from leaking into our fantastic new religion. There’d be no “hole” to throw “undesirables” into and it’d be hard to make people completely disappear like Scientology is known for.

Just look at, or for, Shelly Miscavige, the wife of the church’s leader David Miscavige. Even a missing person’s report to L.A. police from actress, author, and former Scientologist Leah Remini, who was a friend of Shelly’s, couldn’t produce a public appearance. Police simply closed the case after speaking to church leaders.

Talk about Power!

In both Clearwater and L.A., it is readily apparent that Scientology has more than a just a friendly relationship with local police. Just cross a member or even appear “suspicious” around their property and watch how fast police show up. However, the church owns so many buildings in downtown Clearwater, again the mass majority of which are almost completely void of any signs of life or use, that it’s more than a little creepy.

We could own our very own Bitcoin City!!! Bittopolis?

I’m telling you folks… aside from the shunning traditional mental health, forcing members to “disconnect” from non-church members, ruining people’s lives, otherwise known as “fair gaming,” for daring to leave the church or having the audacity to dis it or their leaders, throwing members in the hole, making kids sign billion year contracts, fleecing the members into insurmountable debt, using slave labor in the name of religious freedom, and a couple hundred other negatives, Mr. L. Ron Hubbard was a freaking brilliant man.